Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
