you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
