The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize