I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The air was thick with penises
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
