wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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