I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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