I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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