a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
