I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
