It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
