I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
