i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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