btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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