I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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