eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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