i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
