Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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