The maid of honor just puked.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
