I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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