Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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