dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
