i need an iv and a liver transplant
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
