remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
