really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
