just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
