How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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