took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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