Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
