I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
