this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
