Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
