Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
