she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
