i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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