I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
