He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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