I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
