I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
