WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
