Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
