do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
