this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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