He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
