dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
