you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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