dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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