You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
