I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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