someone threw a dead crab at me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
