i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
