Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You pole danced in your parka.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
