Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
