I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
