i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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