Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
