What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is wine microwaveable?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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