two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
