Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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