my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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