Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
