Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
