you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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