You made me cry and you don't even care
i don't like sucking hair
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
