apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize