Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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