there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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