I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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