Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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